The joy of victory dwarfs the joy of pleasure.

– Gbolade Ogunfowote

I first learned about experiential avoidance when reading about the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Experiential Avoidance is quite self-evident. Almost everyone can relate to it.

Attempts to avoid thoughts, feelings, memories, physical sensations, and other internal experiences—even when doing so creates harm in the long-run.

– Hayes, Strosahl, Wilson, 1999

I actually love the name given to the phenomenon, cos it explains the concept quite neatly. ‘Experiential’ is the perfect adjective to describe the ‘Avoidance’. There’s even a bible verse that explains the concept quite well. It feels eerily good to know that men have been battling with this for thousands of years. I’m not alone after all.

I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.

– Romans 7:15 (NLT)

The million-dollar question is this: what prevents us from doing things that are quite beneficial to our lives just so we can feel good on the short term? What is the rational basis of procrastination of quite important long term goals?

I think I can sum it all up in one word: FEAR! Now, I know a lot of people may disagree with me, but I’m pretty sure that most times we avoid doing things we’re meant to do not necessarily because of the temporary relief or pleasure we get from avoiding them –that is not the root problem– but more because of the fear of the results we may get by actually engaging in the activity in concern.

A very good example was Abraham Lincoln. Abraham Lincoln was born in Kentucky in 1809 into an agrarian family. He got just about 12 months of schooling before the age of 21. Eventually he did away with farming and went into business, law and politics. Lincoln was always self-conscious of his background and lack of social graces, even when he had risen through the political ranks. When asked why he avoided formal social gatherings, he truthfully replied: ‘because I am conscious I should not know how to behave myself’. Of course after a while he was able to overcome this, but this just proves that even very great men sometimes suffer from experiential avoidance. I could give you a thousand examples from my own life but I think that would deserve it’s own book.

Fear has a lot of faces and can have quite disastrous effects if not put under the control of our will and consciousness. In a later post I will write about fear and it’s several forms and facets.

Do you exhibit experiential avoidance regularly? Stop calling it procrastination, that’s quite a different concept. Predictably, I will recommend self-awareness as the first step to curbing and dealing with this. Once you sense that you’re avoiding some sort of action that is beneficial for your life, understand and name the causes, and then take action no matter what your mind tells you.