If you cannot see where you are going, ask someone who has been there before.

– J Loren Norris

I’ve been quite lucky to have a lot of mentors in my life, at several stages. This morning I saw a couple that are mentors to me, it was wonderful watching and being around them. It is quite a known fact that you really cannot be much greater than the people you surround yourself with, even Jesus is of the same school of thought.

One question I ask myself as I evolve and grow is how to seek out mentors for each areas of my life. I’ve found out that it is quite possible to outgrow your mentors and it takes a lot of wisdom to know when you have. Of course you should still revere them, but seek higher levels of mentorship. I’ll give an example, when I started out in web programming, I had a friend who was a mentor to me, he directed me and exposed me to the right tools, technologies, frameworks and languages. I gained a whole lot from him, but as I improved my skills and I got more understanding in my field, I began to see a ton of bad practices in his style of programming. At that point, I knew I had to get me a new mentor. This takes courage, and self-confidence.

Who Is A Mentor

A mentor is an experienced and successful person in a particular endeavor, professional or social field that believes in you and is willing to offer you advice, guidance, and assistance in order to enable you get to and possibly surpass his level.

My number one rule for mentorship in a direct relationship is: a mentor chooses his mentee, not the other way around. I made the terrible mistake of chasing after people to mentor me and even paying money to be mentored. Unknown to me then, a mentor truly has to believe in the mentee and be willing to give and impart wisdom freely. Mentorship shouldn’t be a contract, that is coaching, not mentorship.

Why Mentorship

In one of my previous posts I mentioned that not all hours of learning are equal, 1 hour with a mentor can save 1 year of mistakes and learning on your own.

There’s an interesting story of a lady Porsche Nelson who wrote her life in 5 chapters.

Chapter 1

I’m walking down a street, there’s a hole in the sidewalk, I fall in, I’m lost, I’m helpless, it isn’t my fault, and it takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2

I walk down the same street, there’s a hole in the side walk, I pretend I don’t see it, I fall in again, I can’t believe I’m in the same place, it isn’t my fault, it still takes a long time for me to get out.

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street, there’s a deep hole in the side walk, I see it there, I still fall in, it’s a habit, I know where I am, and it’s my own fault, and I get out immediately.

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street, there’s a hole in the side walk, I walk around it.

Chapter 5

I walk down another street.

Interesting right? All I could think of when I saw this was, she would never have walked down that street if she had a mentor. Basically, a mentor shows you the streets to walk on, the quickest, best and most fulfilling way to get to your goals based on their own real life experiences.

How To Seek Out Mentors

Rule 1: Have a very good idea what you want.

I have several mentors for different areas of my life, and that’s because I know what I want in those areas and I know who I can get that from. It’s advisable to seek out people who have succeeded at what you are trying to achieve, and start a relationship with them. Know what you want and seek it out in others.

Rule 2: Never ask, would you be my mentor?

Mentorship is a relationship, and I really believe true mentors seek out their mentees, not the other way around, so start with a simple relationship, ask for advice or tutelage, and give back as much as you can. In my experience, being needy or too dependent is a turn-off for mentors.

Rule 3: Imitation is the best form of flattery.

There’s no point in having a mentor you don’t listen to. Mentorship is a win-win relationship. I currently mentor a teenager in programming and I like the ego boost when I see him write code like I do or even better. I love it when I teach him something and he takes it and creates something better with it. The point is, make sure you really learn from your mentor and give feedback as much as you can.

Other Forms Of Mentorship

I have mentors whom I have never met such as Wayne Dyer, Debola Williams and Guy Kawasaki. Mentorship is not necessarily one-to-one. I follow everything about my mentors. I read their books, watch their interviews and study their life.

Coaching is also another effective form of mentorship, although not one I tend to recommend because there are a lot of phonies out there. Before you get a coach, I would advice you get real life referrals first.

Let me know how mentorship has helped improve your pace and any other tips you may have in the comments below.